Discussion in 'News - Breaking News & Political Forum' started by Always~Wear~Joy, Oct 19, 2018.
My heart is broken!! And she was at one of the country's "top" hospitals.
Serena Williams had to make a ruckus to save her own life!!
I want to know why the CT scan never occurred and what their explanation was for ignoring her husband’s pleas.
So true but its not translating to assertiveness in the appropriate setting where it would save us....
For me and my reality---yep. My sisters, my mom, my aunts, my cousins are very high context (I love this term!)
The women I work with make me want to scream. I spend much time begging and encouraging them to speak up and to have an advocate or two who will speak up on their behalf.
Cause my husband is like Kira's husband and tends to step back some....so I had my boss and sister on speed dial and my doula there (an HBCU student and sista) to be there as my second. Having a doula there will make ALL the difference.
In my field of Public health for low income women and families of young kids/babies, and many are the educated ones who are first generation college grads, first generation real money, real jobs....they don't speak up enough. My MIL is DEAD because of the quiet and just refusal to think of herself over all others. I have met MEDICAL doctors who clam up because while they are medical doctors in other fields...something about going through childbirth (especially a non-ideal labor and delivery) just sends them back to a meekness you have never seen. One doctor (a Pediatrician) said EVERYONE ASSUMED she'd have no problem nursing. She struggled so bad, never asked for extra help and was supplementing within a week and stopped shortly after. She regrets not speaking up and not admitting that she needed help. Me: I'm a WHOLE lactation counselor and demanded a lactation nurse be at my bedside when I finally got up the next day. I didn't want the floor nurse who had "basic training" in breastfeeding, I wanted that expert.
There is a real dynamic that affects a significant subset of black women that is really the OPPOSITE of what we are accused of being: Loud, brash, and angry/bitter...we talk about it a lot: Its that "save everyone" mentality we've developed to our demise. And its 10000% unfair cause I'm not victim blaming AT ALL. I think there needs to be conversation about the CULTURE of the American BW....to have a desire to help all others....society's disgusting demand that we basically be mules (mammies), while low-key fetishizing us (even WW), that creates this BS and disgusting belief that we are super strong and don't need/REQUIRE help and if we are asking for help, we must be some kind of outlier that needs to be 1) ignored or worse 2) discouraged from being so needy and then basically ignored, not getting the help we need.
This will only change if medicine changes. it will but it will be a while.
The ONLY solution/CURE is self-empowerment:
1) creating a village of like-minded women and mothers who empower each other
2) Getting more BW to be doulas, birth workers, CLC's (its a quick easy course) anyone can take it---(I'll post information in another comment)
3) Encouraging ALL women of all backgrounds to have a doula or extra birth worker attending all births until it becomes the norm.
4) If you are in a non-health field but want to become a mom, take an online training, or encourage a friend who is interested in this stuff to take the training (see my next comment). I don't care if you are in the financial sector, a teacher, whatever....a simple online investment may save your life bc it will give you a language and a verbiage you need to be able to pull a Serena and ask for the stuff you need. We already know our sisters (WE) are vulnerable and we can no longer lay down).
4. Getting an advocate in the birthing room and stop making it a celebration. You don't need a whole bunch of look-a-whoers in the birthing room. In ancient times several people attended the birth, but all the attendees had a skill set that could be tapped in the event of a problem. Other than hubby, everyone else is an ONLOOKER. My husband attended and did skin to skin...but he wasn't MY DOULA. She knows the language of the medical issues and can speak quickly and directly to nurses, CNAs, the doctor, staff, etc. Its not instinctual for hubby nor my mom.
5. We need to get back to the attention and understanding that risk to the mom is a problem and care for the mom is important. Doctor is there for baby....doula is there for me.
6. Post partum care is needed. We now have "Post partum doulas' that can be hired to basically take care of thins after birth. I'm a runner and walker for exercise, but at day 8 post partum, hubby didn't realize I cannot walk around the block even though he insisted I get up and going. My bleeding was subsiding until that little walk. I showed him my heavy pad and he was shocked. But he needed to see it so he could STFU and humble himself to the awe of post partum. The post partum care is them doing chores, cleaning, cooking, etc. Stuff our mamas and aunties and grannies used to do. Stuff Japanese mothers have built an industry out of since about 20 years ago (a desire to get back to their own roots), and African and Arabic mothers and aunts have been doing for centuries---that ol' 40 day shut in time people ignore these days. I did it except for attending doc appointments and the breastfeeding support. I broke my rule 1-2 times then quickly sat on down. Many women don't have people in their lives willing to do this. Even I temporarily bought into the BS of being superwoman. Temporarily.
If you are reading this and plan to have a baby soon: I'm talking to YOU. You are a black woman and are at risk. You NEED to invest in a GOOD DOULA who will advocate for you. If all you can find is a white one: Hire her and here is why: Doula's are trained the same and are in the field because they don't think like traditional practitioners. Black or white they are like-minded and basically are not stuttin the doctor they are worried about you. Interview her. The white doulas in my community are sending these articles around about Kira as we speak. They get it and I let them shut down their white counterparts who attempt to say its not real. In the interview, if she is aware and believes the issue with black women is real, she should be on your short list.
If you are educated IDGAF take the Lamaze class, the prenatal course, you tube and talk to your OB. I had 7 years of education on all things baby before I conceived. I still had a preemie at 23 weeks. But at 6 weeks I called my insurance wondering what I was looking at financially if I had one. what benefits (hospital grade pump) would I get for having one? what is needed. I'm crazy but in the chaos of her birth, a lot of things fell into place because I knew the language and what to do if you have a preemie. So she survived and thrived despite a 95% chance that she wasn't supposed to. Pregnancy is beautiful but its a huge risk and the ancestors wasn't playing about being close to death. Closest to death.
I am working with Doulas for a barter and trade system so that the poorest mamas can afford her services. They need them THE MOST.
In a perfect world, insurance will cover their services. Soon come I hope.
If you are looking for a Doula:
The National Black Doula Association.
DONA www.dona.org to become trained as one or encourage a friend who is possibly pre-med, pre-lactation consultant, a student interested in social work, a student interested in health, a nurse, or just interested in working in ANY capacity of the health/maternal health, infant health field.
If something is going wrong get as many people notified as possible. Call the nurse, doctor, even get on the phone and call the umbudsman office right then.
Unfortunately people in important positions are still people and their work can suffer from everything from laziness, work dissatisfaction, simple mistakes, and of course racism and sexism.
Thank you so much! These posts are gold. I would print them out if I were still in child bearing age. I love the health field because of being forced to be around it and I would LOVE to become a doula. Your timing on this is so odd because I just read the Jamilah Lemieux is going through the training a few days back and I discussed it with my girls. If I can get my health stabilized enough, I'm going for it. Thanks for the org info and always invaluable posts.
I love ya'll.
I want the best for us. We may be the only village for someone here.
Erykah Badu is a Doula. So yeah----anyone can and should if its feasible.
Imagine it, a friend from your community, she may be a singer by trade, a banker by trade, but she attends YOUR BIRTH....That's what the ancients did.
Ya know Serena Williams said they didn’t want to listen to her when she said something wasn’t right. And she has a history of clotting!
Pregnant black women are at higher risk than other women. Even accounting for higher socioeconomic status, education, etc. we are more likely to have issues like preeclampsia.
The US medical system is flawed. There are great support staff, nurses and doctors working in a flawed system. Ask anyone whose worked in a hospital about press Ganey (sp?) or other satisfaction surveys. People become jaded and forget they are taking care of real people.
As someone who has been on both sides of the fence, never leave a loved one at the hospital alone. Most US hospitals are understaffed. You may or may not get a person whose heart in is their job. Be the annoying family member that asks questions. “I know you are busy but. ..” that takes medical staff off their guard and reminds them this a person, not a consumer.
Be persistent. If that doesn’t work, be more persistent. If that doesn’t work take it up a notch accordingly. Tell anyone who will listen. Ask for a patient advocate.
I’m not asking for an extra juice or blanket, I’m asking for healthcare.
When my mom was in the hospital we showed up in force and let it be known.
Yessss! We did shift work when my mom was in the hospital. The nurses are overworked. They have few aides to help patients. Her dr trying to dip in and out. Her nurse forgot her meds. She would had to wait for help going to the bathroom. And this was a “good” hospital.